So...I think I'm going to start combining days, since life is pretty monotonous right now.  My day consists of getting up, bathroom break, weighing and measuring, taking my hCG and waiting til it's time to drink my coffee.  Then, I wait as long as I can, and have a piece of fruit or a breadstick for a midmorning snack, wait for lunch, take my second round of hCG, wait for dinner, then eat a breadstick or fruit for "dessert." All while trying to drink at least a gallon of water a day.  To pass the time, I've been watching TV, reading, going to the beach, hanging out with the husband...nothing terribly exciting.  I'm also reading up and researching some of my Buddhist literature, and getting ready for my meditation phase to begin.

I've been having a really hard time with cravings, and I'm starting to realize how emotionally addicted to food I was (am).  We've been dealing with a tropical storm, and stuck inside watching movies/TV, and I found myself getting angry and bored simply because I couldn't eat. It's been really hard to deal with, but I'm glad that I'm aware, and working to fix it. I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I will eventually be able to eat what I want again (although definitely in severe moderation), and I will be skinny and healthy by July. I keep reminding myself of the old adage "If you commit the crime, you gotta do the time." So, I'm putting in my time for sure.

I did find myself at a point where I didn't want to eat anything because I couldn't eat what I wanted. Not even a week in, I was so tired of the limited diet and food options. I'd rather not eat anything than have to eat what I was allowed to. I was eating to live for once, instead of living to eat. I ate because I had to. It was a nice and necessary lesson.  Very eye opening.

In light of this frustration, we decided we needed to get creative or go insane. So, back to the grocery store we went.  Man, this was really hard with all the tempting treats at every corner. I was happy that some of the foods I was craving were more healthy things, like oatmeal and yogurt.  But I do still crave bread, cheese, and sweets. For some reason, my mind keeps going back to pizza. I think it's because of the cheese and bread factor.

So, getting creative ended up in a little bit of a stall, but I think it was necessary and worth it just as a lesson.  We ate red meat on Saturday for both meals. For lunch, we had lean steak seasoned like taco meat in a lettuce wrap, and for dinner, a soup made of meat, cabbage, onions, and vegetable stock.  I knew that night that it was a bad idea. I was so stuffed and felt gross.

On a side note, we went down the bandshell at the beach and watched the US Navy band and a dixieland jazz band, and I met my cravings head on. One of my all time favorite treats is funnel cake, and I sat beside the vendor truck, and was surrounded by people enjoying hot dogs, ice cream, funnel cake, and burgers. I was only mildly stressed. I am very proud of myself and see it as a step in the right direction.  It all smelled and looked so good, but the thought of actually eating it, and what it would do to me, was deterrent enough. I kept telling my husband that the smell was enough for me right now, and I am so glad that you can't consume calories through smell! Up next, creativity, stalls, and finally progress...